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All abuse is not physical abuse, some of it, is emotional abuse. Here are signs of emotional abuse.
Before trying to understand whether you are being abused, try to understand what abuse means. It is not always about battery, verbal or physical assault (though battery is obviously abuse). It is not like they show in the movies — a drunk husband coming home and screaming at his wife or hitting her.
The important thing to realise here is that it is not as though abused people don’t have a life with breaks, vacations, gifts and other occasional good moments.
Often, abuse is a cycle. If you google cycle of abuse, you should be able to figure out the pattern it takes in your life. Reading about the cycle of abuse helped me recognise the pattern of abuse in my life:
More on my experience here.
And if you are married to a narcissist, then reading this article might help you identify what is happening in your life.
Unlike physical abuse which leaves marks, emotional abuse is insidious and you don’t realise that you are a victim of domestic violence till it reaches a point when you feel powerless to walk away. Here are some feelings that are a sure sign that you are in an abusive relationship:
If a person makes you feel like shit — it is not about you allowing bad things to happen — it is NOT your fault. It isn’t your fault because you being the normal one who hopes that things will change someday. You try to look at the bright side and say stuff like at least I am not being burned for dowry or others have it much worse. You try to rationalise his behaviour by saying that he is stressed at work, he is not a bad a father or anything else that makes you feel better at that moment.
I have also read that a woman going back 6 times at least to her abuser before she finally leaves him (if at all). So if you do that as well, don’t beat yourself up over it.
And it you need to talk to someone, look up a domestic violence/depression/suicide helpline and talk to someone ASAP.
Cover image via Shutterstock
I am an urban Indian woman and I hope to be able to bring about a change in the domestic violence laws of the land. I want to bring about awareness on domestic abuse, especially read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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