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Have you ever spoken to your son about Consent? The best time to teach boys to be respectful of others is when they are young, says this post.
#ShareYourStory is an initiative by Breakthrough to bring the conversation around sexual harassment into families; to get women talking about the harassment they have experienced with their family members, especially sons (or other boys and young men.)
If you would like to be a part of the #ShareYourStory initiative and create more changemakers, share your letter to your son (or young friends, nephews etc.). You can write a post or send us a short video at [email protected]. More details here.
Farhan,
To be honest, I don’t know where to begin. I strongly believe this is a discussion we must have. But, is eight too young for you to understand? Is any age too early to be introduced to the ways of the world? Many of my friends argue that I am being hasty. In time you will understand, they say. I disagree. I feel we must be explicit and discuss this openly.
As a society, we have a habit of brushing under the carpet all things tough; sexual harassment and abuse being one of our prized secrets. I don’t blame your grandmother for not speaking to me about this. She perhaps didn’t have the language.
I had my first experience when I was 11. The range of experiences since then have varied from groping to spitting. I won’t go into the details but believe me, the city I lived in didn’t matter. Don’t believe the mainstream ideas of how some cities are better, some clothing less provocative or some types of women less exposed.
I would hope that the space we have created is one where we can talk about anything. You are a wonderful human being. But it is hard to protect you from the ways masculinity functions. I am bound to fail a little. Remember these words then: Consent is everything. Especially when someone tells you, you have power over another person’s body. Don’t listen. Particularly when you feel pressured to behave in a disrespectful manner. Think again. Society will fool you into believing that assertion of masculinity is part of your male identity. Tune them out. Everyone has a right over their bodies. Cat-calling isn’t about compliments. Touching someone without their consent is violence.
Often, we in society working to end violence succumb to talking about violence in the binary. Women aren’t the only ones subjected to violence. Anyone who falls outside of the assigned male and female roles could be subjected to mockery and harassment.
I want you to learn as early as possible that the world is full of all kinds of people. This is one of the most wonderful things about the world. Open your heart and mind to their existence. Don’t shy away from the idea that someone you care about deeply or even you could be subjected to harassment as well. Learn to accept everyone as they are, in all their glory. People around you might mock and laugh at that person outside the strict binary. Disagree with them. Disagree with them vehemently.
I have in writing this letter put a lot of pressure on you. The path to resist these temptations, checking of our privilege isn’t an easy one. In fact it is absolutely tumultuous. But we must try.
Fighting violence is an ongoing struggle and I hope you will join me on this path.
Love and strength,
Your mother
Reader. Feminist. Poetry lover. Feisty. Emotional. Introverted. Passionate. Believes in human rights for all. Tries to write about all of these things. read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
If her home and family seem to be impacted by her career then we expect her to prioritize her ‘responsibilities at home as a woman’ and leave her job.
The entrenched patriarchal norms have always perpetuated certain roles and responsibilities as falling specifically in the domain of either men or women. Traditionally, women have been associated with the domestic sphere while men have been considered the bread winner of the household. This division of roles has become so ingrained in our lives that we seldom come to question it. However, while not being questioned does give the system a certain level of legitimacy, it in no way proves its veracity.
This systematic division has resulted in a widely accepted notion whereby the public sphere is demarcated as a men’s zone and the private sphere as belonging to women. Consequently, women are expected to stay at home and manage the household chores while men are supposed to go out and make a living with no interest whatsoever in the running of the household.
This divide is said to be grounded in the intrinsic nature of men and women. Women are believed to be compassionate, affectionate and loving and these supposedly ‘feminine’ qualities make them the right fit for caring roles. Men, on the other hand are allegedly more sturdy, strong and bold and hence, the ones to deal with the ordeals of the outside world.
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