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Do women want to be treated specially? The author sets the record straight.
Why do we want to see women as representing a victimised and marginally insecure section of the society, as people can hardly fight battles solely on their own merit?
Women! The most talked about, debated, interpreted and empathised lot in the country, like a newly arrived accessible-to-all product in the market! Almost everyone around seems to have an opinion on her. Why just opinions? Many actually have an unverified judgment to pass about her actions. If she stands for other women, she could be a fame-hogging damn feminist and if she condemns them, she may pretty well be an enemy of her own clan. If she’s well-read and voices her opinions boisterously, she is a maligning image to the traditional sophistication of the Indian woman persona and if she is illiterate, she is a self-proclaimed victim who deserves to suffer in wrath. If she looks hot and sexy, she quite possibly is an over-ambitious vacuous girl who uses her body for malicious favours from successful men and if she is laid back in bed, darn her for not satisfying her man’s desires.
Nevertheless, this article is not a rant about society’s age-old laments on women but about why such laments have been put on her without her consent or approval. Did anyone care to ask her when and how far a victim she considers herself to be? Or did we willingly believe the media-circulated, word-of-mouth stories or the exceptional wisdom of the self-established advocates of womanhood, who claim to have read her mind and have spoken on her behalf?
High time! Let’s bust the myth. Most of the women I have known, from school to employment, from middle-class homemakers to liberated young lasses, from empowered ladies leading NGOs or start-ups to the ones who are labeled as ‘underprivileged,’ have mostly been mettlesome women of steel and valour, fighting a hard day’s battle but without any dash of self-pity. Even the ones who tire day in and day out to get daily meals for the family by doing dishes in others’ households when their drunken husbands lay off under sun, refuse to think of themselves as ‘poor wretched things.’ They work hard and inspire their children to redefine their forthcoming future.
So even when women do not feel as victimised, as weak or as slanderous as they are made out to be, the stories of her pain and discomfort do more rounds in our society than the tales of her courage, strength and endurance. The worrisome question is why at all do we want to see women as an utterly victimised and marginally unsecure section of the society, as people who can hardly fight battles solely on their merit? Is a woman really that frail or does thinking of her as ‘weak’, when she is not, act like a soothing balm on the patriarchal mentality of our nation?
In a way, the proposition that women desire to be “treated equally” is actually downright ridiculous. It assumes that men are born or become superior to women who need to be pushed upwards to match their level. Doesn’t this also assume that men and women are like rats and cats in a race and eventually have to battle each other out to reach the finishing line first? Imagine starting discussions on emancipation from such a ridiculous foundation.
A woman is like a special piece in a big jumble puzzle. Special not because of her gender but because every other piece in the puzzle of society, including a man, is as special and important to arrive at the best fit. The very question of an equal, similar looking, ditto piece just doesn’t exist!
A woman is like a special piece in a big jumble puzzle. The very question of an equal, similar looking, ditto piece just doesn’t exist!Never miss real stories from India's women.Register Now
A woman is like a special piece in a big jumble puzzle. The very question of an equal, similar looking, ditto piece just doesn’t exist!
Most men know this. Those who do are the ones who have helped women complete their struggling journey in a most dignified manner in the past many years, because there is no other thinkable way in which the human race has progressed so far, except by helping and nurturing one another.
And of course, there are men who don’t know this. And also some who don’t want to know. There are men who want to live in a self-spun myth of masculinity in which women will be the ones who would always perform Karvachauth for their long life, tie them a Rakhi pleading their protection or be the carrier of their surname’s legitimate child in their womb. There would always be few macho men who would not hesitate to ill treat, harass or exploit women in order to establish their supremacy and some who would not mind taking the avatar of a Messiah on constant alert to save the “poor, hapless creatures.” Honestly, it is best to let them be and move ahead with the progressing ones.
So what if a certain group of men distorts the puzzle of gender balance? Has it not always been a few good men who have changed the rule of the game?
Women are smart players too. I refuse to think of my gender clan as self-pitied, victimised sufferers of someone else’s malice, waiting for positive discrimination to change their lives forever.
Women are smart players too. I refuse to think of my gender clan as self-pitied, victimised sufferers of someone else’s malice, waiting for positive discrimination to change their lives forever. To voice or assert for rights of one’s dignity, safety or opportunity is not the prerogative of any gender in particular but rather a movement of humanism. No matter how much level playing field one may get for women, she never aspires to be known for her gender but be valued for her ability, competence and courage.
And like it is said, “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” Both men and women know that is just right.
Image via Shutterstock.
Ardent reader | Writing freak | Argumentative nerd | Dreamer-makebeliever| Co-founder 'MANRAV' - an NGO| At other times, HR Professional, Speaker, Facilitator, Storyteller | In the list of "Top 100 HR professionals to follow on twitter" and "Top read more...
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Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Women today don’t want to be in a partnership that complicates their lives further. They need an equal partner with whom they can figure out life as a team, playing by each other’s strengths.
We all are familiar with that one annoying aunty who is more interested in our marital status than in the dessert counter at a wedding. But these aunties have somehow become obsolete now. Now they are replaced by men we have in our lives. Friends, family, and even work colleagues. It’s the men who are worried about why we are not saying yes to one among their clans. What is wrong with us? Aren’t we scared of dying alone? Like them?
A recent interaction with a guy friend of mine turned sour when he lectured me about how I would regret not getting married at the right time. He lectured that every event in our lives needs to be completed within a certain timeframe set by society else we are doomed. I wasn’t angry. I was just disappointed to realize that annoying aunties are rapidly doubling in our society. And they don’t just appear at weddings or family functions anymore. They are everywhere. They are the real pandemic.
Let’s examine this a little closer.
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