8 years of womensweb

This Is What I learned Living 30 Years Of My Life (Part 2)

Posted: October 26, 2015

A woman writes what 30 years of living this life taught her. She shares the most important lessons of her life. Here’s is the second part.

Life brings in so many lessons. It’s an ongoing process. When you think you are comfortable in a space, life brings something else. It’s like so many layers that lay within us. You are never done unveiling yourself. As masters would say, “You are your piece of art.” And how truly said. Isn’t it amazing to know that you are your own representation of who you are and you have a choice each moment to decide who you want to be?

I have learnt one very important thing; you are what you invest yourself in. In India, women are so much taught to invest on others. Very rarely we are acknowledged as an individual. We are mothers, sisters, wives and the list continues. We are referred to by relationships rather than as someone. So it is confusing at many levels, as to what we are to become. More often than not we forget to invest in ourselves. Yes! Times have changed; we get equal education and work for our livelihoods. But what is forgotten in between in self-investment. Like that Yoga class, or that pottery class you always wanted to go to.

When I was in school, after the demise of my father, someone told me that I am the only one, I will have forever.

When I was in school, after the demise of my father, someone told me that I am the only one, I will have forever. I got to hold my back. I did not understand it then. Now I do. I have learnt that I am my best choice. I learnt through hard ways that the more I nurture and fill myself, the better environment I create outside. Every woman should find that one thing that satiates her and only her. It can be gardening, playing an instrument or anything. She should always spend that time strictly with herself without apologies or explanations. That one thing will always bring peace and refill her. And in times when the storm is blowing harder, that one thing will save her.

I have learnt that spending time with oneself is the sexiest thing to do. Being comfortable with who you are, and wanting to spend time with yourself, without needing someone, is the brightest thing to do. I have seen, the less I need the crowd, the more the crowd comes to me. When I was a clingy girl, always wanting someone, I was alone. Now that I am comfortable with who I am, there is always people wanting to be with me. And this has given me the choice to choose, whom I want to spend my time with. I have learnt, I become like people I spent time with. I have also learnt that people choose wrong people, because they are scared to be with themselves. Being comfortable with yourself, saves a lot of bad relationships in life.

I have also learnt that boundaries need to be rebuilt. Very recently, as I was getting comfortable with life, someone said something that hurt me within.

I have also learnt that boundaries need to be rebuilt. Very recently, as I was getting comfortable with life, someone said something that hurt me within. I realized that, that person was being comfortable treating me in a way, which I always tend to ignore. I learnt, what I ignore, needed my most attention. No matter how long, I knew the person, if something is touching my sanity and demeaning me, the boundaries need to be drawn, once again. Nothing is more important than my inner self. No one has the right to mess with, what I hold is precious. No one.

Also, I learnt that, you need to listen to your feelings more closely. If something is not feeling right, probably it isn’t right. We as human beings are great story tellers. We like to keep ourselves in the comfort zone, we will invent a lie and then start living it. I have invented many a lies to keep myself where I am, then cry out that my life does not move. Life is exactly, where you have decided it to be. Like, I decided to be, this college girl forever. I would do anything to hold on to that story, until recently, I realized, life is meant to be whole and I am responsible to live it the way it is meant. I let go of what held me. Letting go always liberates.

 I realized that sometimes you don’t need to pray for something to come to you, but to let go of what has already served its purpose.

I realized that sometimes you don’t need to pray for something to come to you, but to let go of what has already served its purpose. I am a woman who prays. Finally I let go, my need to counsel people, who would stay in pain because it’s their comfort zone. I have spent hours with some people showing them some light. But I realized that not everyone will learn. For some, I have become a toxic dump, and that what they have been doing. This person, will invariably call me, to tell me what’s wrong in her life, always. And rarely, have that person celebrated anything with me. I went back only to realize that I was always ignored in all good things. Like a birthday party or an outing. But was remembered only when some toxic needs to be dumped. Life always speaks out. I was feeling angry and drained at the relationship. Unless I listened and broke it off, peace did not come. I realized that life always needs check points and boundaries to be rebuilt. Also, I cannot give till I bleed; I give until it feels good. And, giving to people, who does not value your gift, is innate disrespect to oneself. I finally learnt to respect my gifts. What I give, is my gift from the Universe, through me. When I let people make a mockery out of it, I disrespect this huge Universe. And what I disrespect will cease to nourish me. I give, where it is respected. I learnt the hard way, not all gifts are given to all. Giving is a great virtue, but to choose what to give and to whom, is wisdom. I am finally learning to choose wisdom.

Learning takes time, but we all have to. Nothing goes away, unless we complete the lessons. As Iyanla Vanzant would quip, “All things are lessons.”

It’s already another day, as I finish writing this. So, what have I learnt that I know for sure, I ask myself. Without losing a breath, I can say, “I am always learning.” Such is life, it always leaves a trail of lessons.

Cover image via Shutterstock

Proud Indian. Senior Writer at Women's Web. Columnist. Book Reviewer. Street Theatre - Aatish. Dreamer.

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2 Comments


  1. Beautiful post with which I could agree and disagree at places with your permission ! Agreed boundaries have to be built time and again , personal space be defined and no encroachment by anyone pls ! , Human relationships are dynamic and not static , hence change is the only Constant! Life for me begins at the end of your comfort zone, for me it began from my metamorphosis from medical post graduate to a doc in Africa serving the poor and blind .having an attitude of gratitude helped thruout , and v true as you say we always keep learning and evolving .thank you got insightful thoughts , keep writing! “”Be the change , you wish to see””

    Gandhi!

  2. Paromita,Your article energizes me.

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