If It Is Meant To Be, It Will And If Not, Then Let It Go

Some familiar reactions to divorce

Marriage is a union of entirely different and imperfect people agreeing to merge their imperfectness in a perfect way. It is no miracle and no marriages are made in heaven. It happens right here, right upon this raw soil of our earth. and it is perfectly alright to dissent with each each other.Unfortunately, some marriages end up like swampy pits – the harder you try to save your marriage, the deeper you get embedded in the grime.  And when you feel you are sunk neck deep in the ugly quagmire, the only way is to try to tow yourself out. For such people, divorce is the last resort, the panacea from all the pain and sufferings endured till then, as they struggled to cling on to whatever hope that was thrust upon them in such situations. But I bet its not so easy to go through the process as easily as I speak of it.

You are sure to hear some familiar refrains.

“What would be  life be after that?”

New beginnings

For me, the end of some marriages would only mean escape from an otherwise unhealthy relationship that had chained them for years and the right elixir for all the bruises they had suffered all through their marital journey. It will be a fresh whiff of air for kids who would otherwise grow up in suffocation watching their parents in constant conflict, insecure of their safety and future. Furthermore, where the kids are brought up in an atmosphere where their mother is constantly been degraded, insulted abused and even manhandled, by advising to stay in such a relationship, what are we trying to set example for our future generation? Please be prepared to feel guilty of breeding another set of young chauvinists who would think it is only natural  that their female counterpart should not feel offended for being abused, just because she is a ‘woman’.

Then there are those who feel ashamed of being labelled a failure and who decide to stay on to the marriage just to exhibit their spouse in front of society as a happy couple. That would only encourage their children  to grow up as archetypes of their parents, more inclined to develop a pseudo image, one in front of society and a hideous one before their own family. Not to undermine is the fact that if it is the mother who is constantly under stress, it definitely will reflect on her mental stature and the quality of upbringing  of her children. I would say, only if the mother is happy, can she raise her children in an ambiance of joy affection and a positive attitude.

Not that I say that kids are not affected at all and that it will be a cake walk for them to watch their parents set off in two different directions. Of course they are affected, but I bet in some cases, they will be better off than the constant trauma of seeing their parents fighting or being raised in vacuum environs, devoid of love and affinity towards each other. The physical change in the family arrangement,  might put them in a shock initially, but all that we can do is to guide them, love them unconditionally, and decide amicably not to put them in undue pressure as to whom to love, how to love and when to love. You might have discontent with your spouse but try not to impose them upon your child, for they might have a different image of their parent and to shatter them would only leave you in bad light . They will definitely have their own predicament , once they reach the age of understanding and definitely you need to give them some space and time to grow up that would enable them to really understand the crux of the situation in which you decided to take the crucial decision.

If a relationship is meant to stay, no matter what, it will stay, But if it is not meant to be, then there is no point clinging on to it unconditionally forever.