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Who gives you freedom? It's you who will have to give it to yourself, each time, by letting go what does not make you better or happy.
Who gives you freedom? It’s you who will have to give it to yourself, each time, by letting go what does not make you better or happy.
This post is one of the part of a special series on #FreedomToBe, where we share stories about one’s relationship status and the judgement that often comes with it.
“It’s not over until I say it’s over.”
My boyfriend had a habit of repeating such catchphrases whenever he disagreed with me. It was as though he believed that by delivering a punch line, I would automatically be taken in by the wisdom of his argument.
Poor fellow, little did he realize that it only made him look foolish. Because, the punch lines were rarely his own!
This time though, he had taken it too far. After all, we were not arguing over whether we should go to see this movie or that one, or whether I could wear jeans when I visited his parents or not (the answer to that one, in case you were wondering, was ‘No’.)
This time, we were arguing over something far more serious which is, whether our relationship deserved another chance or we should call it quits and go our respective ways in peace. We had been living together for two years, but I knew this was never going to work out. The guy was sweet, yes, but sweet wasn’t what I wanted; sweet wasn’t enough. There were a hundred reasons why we wouldn’t work out – too many to explain in this post, in any case.
But sometimes you just know, don’t you? You know it all the time, even though you bide your time and give it a good go.Never miss real stories from India's women.Register Now
But sometimes you just know, don’t you? You know it all the time, even though you bide your time and give it a good go.
But sometimes you just know, don’t you? You know it all the time, even though you bide your time and give it a good go. Because, you know, that’s what good people do! If we didn’t, how many fingers would we have pointing at us? Haaah, that’s the shameless girl who roamed around with this boy on his bike all around town, and then refused to marry him! Tsk, tsk, how heartless!
They judge you when you’re in the relationship. Shameless!
Then they judge you when you’re out of it. Lonely!
They judge you for doing it privately in a hotel room. Cheap!
They judge you for doing it publicly on the beach. Cheaper!
They judge you when you keep trying. Gullible!
They judge you when you don’t try hard enough. Loser!
In short, there’s never any shortage of judges.
Ultimately, my boyfriend and I decided to go our ways, and it all ended peacefully enough.
And here’s what I realized!
My skin was thicker than I thought. I was hurt, but I didn’t bleed.
My life was busier than I imagined it would be. I didn’t have time to worry about them.
My heart was bruised a little, but not broken. I was stronger than I had known.
That’s when I realized that no one gives you the freedom to be. Freedom is a precious gift that only you can give yourself.
I did realize that I was only as vulnerable – as I wanted to be. Don’t wait for that elusive day when you will no longer be judged. I’m not saying it’s easy, but hey, it’s better than crying by yourself. Right?
Listen, learn, take what you need, and throw the rest away. After all, if you’ve judged yourself and felt good about what you’ve done, that’s all the #FreedomToBe you need!
Woman in a wheat field image via Shutterstock
Lover of old Hindi movies and songs. Non-resident Indian always dreaming of that "next year return". Wannabe writer. read more...
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Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Women today don’t want to be in a partnership that complicates their lives further. They need an equal partner with whom they can figure out life as a team, playing by each other’s strengths.
We all are familiar with that one annoying aunty who is more interested in our marital status than in the dessert counter at a wedding. But these aunties have somehow become obsolete now. Now they are replaced by men we have in our lives. Friends, family, and even work colleagues. It’s the men who are worried about why we are not saying yes to one among their clans. What is wrong with us? Aren’t we scared of dying alone? Like them?
A recent interaction with a guy friend of mine turned sour when he lectured me about how I would regret not getting married at the right time. He lectured that every event in our lives needs to be completed within a certain timeframe set by society else we are doomed. I wasn’t angry. I was just disappointed to realize that annoying aunties are rapidly doubling in our society. And they don’t just appear at weddings or family functions anymore. They are everywhere. They are the real pandemic.
Let’s examine this a little closer.
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