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A mother talks about her journey to freely parent her sons, rather than following the dictums of the society. Also in the process find herself.
A mother talks about her journey to freely parent her sons, rather than following the dictum of the society; also in the process find herself.
This post is one of the part of a special series on #FreedomToBe, where we share stories about one’s relationship status and the judgment that often comes with it.
A couple of days back I happened to read an article titled ‘What Your Star Sign Says About Your Mothering Style’ by an online daily in which they said that “the ruler of your motherhood house is a zodiac sign that’s quite different from your sun/birth sign. As a result, becoming a mom will bring out an entirely different facet of her personality- one that could feel uncomfortable or unfamiliar at first.”
This article really struck a chord with me, as ever since I’ve undertaken this parenting journey, my whole world revolves around my kids and yet I feel that I’m still trying to find my feet as a mother to do the best I can possibly do for my little ones.
There have been so many times in the last two years that I’ve really felt so shackled in by the ‘Mom Culture’ that I feel like I am raising someone else’s kids. As far as I can remember, I have been a people pleaser, so it has been a struggle for me to take ownership of my mothering because I’ve always been inclined to please other people and follow their ‘motherhood rules.’
This ‘Mom Culture’ is a very restrictive thing, and it’s everywhere around you, like the air you breathe, which you just can’t escape it. The expectations from moms everywhere are always so unrealistic and they are just meant to know everything about being a mother right from the time their kids are born. While I don’t doubt the maternal instinct that kicks in as soon as our bundles of joy are placed in our arms, I do have a problem with the society that scrutinizes every move of ours which leads to anxiety of the highest order.
In my motherhood experience, all this anxiety leads to a lot of rules, some sensible and some not so sensible to conform to society’s ideal of what is right and wrong. These rules are derived more from what people will say if we don’t follow.
The parenting style of moms goes on to default settings as the need to please others and conform to society’s standards of being a ‘Good’ mom, and this often takes the focus away from actual parenting from decisions like which milk to give the kids to which school to send them to and so on. Also, you deal with issues like if you are giving them too much or the big question if your parenting really working.
So this Independence Day, two years into my motherhood journey, I have finally taken the decision to be free- wherein I give myself the #FreedomToBe the mom I’ve always wanted to be, in the process letting go of the need to please others around me in the way I mother and bring up my precious sons, my lifelines. Without the safety net of the Mom Culture, I and my kids will learn to fly. We know sometimes we will land hard. But that’s ok because on other occasions we will soar!
So how exactly do I intend to find freedom in my mommy journey? Here’s how:
Have I found the freedom yet? I’m trying, and every day is a new day, a new experience, a new journey. Finding my freedom in my motherhood journey is an ongoing process, one that teaches me new lessons everyday!
Cover image via Shutterstock
Doting mommy to fraternal twin toddler boys, in my earlier avatar I was an Architect, by Profession, working on projects on a freelance basis and also Teacher, by Passion, of Architecture at a city college. read more...
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Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Being a writer, Nivedita Louis recognises the struggles of a first-time woman writer and helps many articulate their voice with development, content edits as a publisher.
“I usually write during night”, says author Nivedita Louis during our conversation. Chuckling she continues,” It’s easier then to focus solely on writing. Nivedita Louis is a writer, with varied interests and one of the founders of Her Stories, a feminist publishing house, based in Chennai.
In a candid conversation she shared her journey from small-town Tamil Nadu to becoming a history buff, an award-winning author and now a publisher.
Nivedita was born and raised in a small town in Tamil Nadu. It was for schooling that she first arrived in Chennai. Then known as Madras, she recalls being awed by the city. Her love-story with the city, its people and thus began which continues till date. She credits her perseverance and passion to make a difference to her days as a vocational student among the elite sections of Madras.
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