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Who is a good girl? Society has its own standards, but do these standards truly make one good? Maybe not. This story tells us what it is to be a good girl.
Who is a good girl? The society has its own standard. But do these standards truly make one good? Maybe not. This story tells us what’s to be a good girl.
This post is part of a two day special on Survivor Stories, where we share and celebrate the stories of women who believe they are survivors.
I know the story of a Good girl who was the apple of the eye of her parents. She studied well, spoke the correct words, did the right things and was always flawless in character. In her youth, she fell in love with a boy who loved her equally. Good girls were not supposed to fall in love, were they? She hastily ordered her stubborn heart to behave.
She obeyed her parents to the T, as she was a Good girl and married the guy they chose for her. Her parents’ choice was certainly not ‘the one’ for her. He abused her physically and mentally. Good girls always had a happy marriage, didn’t they? She clung to the marriage desperately.
She quit her job to look after the many kids that were born in the loveless marriage, where she couldn’t help being raped daily by the man she had married.
She quit her job to look after the many kids that were born in the loveless marriage, where she couldn’t help being raped daily by the man she had married. Good girls obeyed their spouse, didn’t they? Good girls chose family over career, didn’t they?
She didn’t leave him as many of her friends advised her to do. She was a Good girl. And divorce was not a thing a Good girl endorsed.
Her in-laws and relatives made her their slave. They made her toil daily to finish their household chores. She cleaned for them, baked for them; baby sat their kids and even looked after them like a nurse, sacrificing her own free time and health. She couldn’t refuse anyone. She was a Good girl, wasn’t she?
Daily she died a little, daily she ate the poison of regret and guilt. She soon forgot what it was like to be happy. To be truly blissfully happy. Every day there were more sacrifices lined up for her, more orders coming her way. Very soon, she fell into deep depression and was on the verge of a suicide when one of her friends came into her life like an angel.
Her friend made her realize that to be selfish for her own good was not bad.
Her friend made her realize that to be selfish for her own good was not bad. It was the only thing that had the power to bring her happiness. She taught her to be assertive, to fight for her life and rights. Most importantly, she taught her to listen to her heart. She taught her to start loving herself and let go of all regrets and guilt.
It was as if a veil had fallen off. The Good girl recognized the fact that she was not being good at all. By living according to the set guidelines of society and by doing all the things that the society had professed as ‘good’ was in fact turning her into someone’s doormat. She had forgotten to live, seeking to look good in the eyes of the people she didn’t even care about. In the meanwhile, she had quashed her dreams, her career and even love.
She understood that she had equal rights as anyone else, that she needn’t do anything unless she really wanted to do it. She decided to follow the messages of her heart. First, she quit her abusive marriage and resurrected her career. Her kids loved her and supported her endeavors. It was very difficult initially. The society turned against her and her parents disowned her. But she fought hard. For a chance to live happily, to breathe in peace and to be independent. Then, there came a day when she found herself smiling once again. She was beginning to live a happy and satisfied life.
Now tell me, was she not a Good girl anymore?
I believe that she became the real Good Girl only now.
I know there are many such Good girls among us who have forgotten to live. May be you know one of them or you yourself is one. Open your eyes and look around.
Ask yourself whether you want to be that Good girl!
Remind that girl, who walks in the shadows and hides her tears, to cease to be that Good girl. Give her a hug and a shoulder to cry on. Tell her that she should allow herself to live. Give her wings to fly!
Young girl sitting image via Shutterstock
Preethi Venugopala is a Civil Engineer by profession and an artist and writer by passion. Her love for English language manifested into a postgraduate degree in English Literature. She is a published author and her read more...
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Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Women today don’t want to be in a partnership that complicates their lives further. They need an equal partner with whom they can figure out life as a team, playing by each other’s strengths.
We all are familiar with that one annoying aunty who is more interested in our marital status than in the dessert counter at a wedding. But these aunties have somehow become obsolete now. Now they are replaced by men we have in our lives. Friends, family, and even work colleagues. It’s the men who are worried about why we are not saying yes to one among their clans. What is wrong with us? Aren’t we scared of dying alone? Like them?
A recent interaction with a guy friend of mine turned sour when he lectured me about how I would regret not getting married at the right time. He lectured that every event in our lives needs to be completed within a certain timeframe set by society else we are doomed. I wasn’t angry. I was just disappointed to realize that annoying aunties are rapidly doubling in our society. And they don’t just appear at weddings or family functions anymore. They are everywhere. They are the real pandemic.
Let’s examine this a little closer.
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