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Often, we assume that a victim of marital rape (or domestic violence in general) should be able to walk out of her marriage easily. Here's why it doesn't happen.
Often, we assume that a victim of marital rape (or domestic violence in general) should be able to walk out of her marriage easily. Here’s why it doesn’t happen.
It does seem to be a simple solution. A direct and easy way out of a troublesome marriage is to break away from it. The easiest way to move away from a spouse who violates you is to leave him/her.
But is reality that simple? Is it that straightforward?
In India, marriage is an institution. It is a sacred institution. You have to respect it. You have to stand by it. More often than not, there is an unsaid, yet heavy clause hanging by that: “You have to stand by it (or else)”.
The inherent conceptions, perceptions and opinions about marriage are influenced by patriarchy and closeted ‘common sense’. These play a stifling role in warping the minds of victims – of marital rape, or of domestic violence in general – who may want to speak out.
These are some questions that victims may grapple with:
These are just a few scenarios that may play out in a victim’s mind, warping their minds against doing what is best for them.
So if divorce does appear to be a simple way out, just think about it more. There is more to it.
There is so much more.
First posted at the author’s blog
Sad eyes of a woman pic via Shutterstock
Lackadaisical engineer. Student journalist. Football is love. Jam is ecstasy. Dogs: heaven. Reading = breathing. Madras is home. read more...
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Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Women today don’t want to be in a partnership that complicates their lives further. They need an equal partner with whom they can figure out life as a team, playing by each other’s strengths.
We all are familiar with that one annoying aunty who is more interested in our marital status than in the dessert counter at a wedding. But these aunties have somehow become obsolete now. Now they are replaced by men we have in our lives. Friends, family, and even work colleagues. It’s the men who are worried about why we are not saying yes to one among their clans. What is wrong with us? Aren’t we scared of dying alone? Like them?
A recent interaction with a guy friend of mine turned sour when he lectured me about how I would regret not getting married at the right time. He lectured that every event in our lives needs to be completed within a certain timeframe set by society else we are doomed. I wasn’t angry. I was just disappointed to realize that annoying aunties are rapidly doubling in our society. And they don’t just appear at weddings or family functions anymore. They are everywhere. They are the real pandemic.
Let’s examine this a little closer.
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