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We all make mistakes. We all miss a moment of courage. But how many of us revisit the moment and talk about it?
There were many things I wanted to share with this new family of mine. There were many confessions to make. In the last few months, I thought a lot about converting them into short pieces of fiction with all the names changed and references hidden in the plot. But I realised that it will never serve my purpose of getting relieved from the burden of wrongs I have done, until they are confessed in first person. Among the many confessions I have to make, this is the most important one.
I have a very beautiful family. My husband works with a multinational company and I take care of our two sons. Our relatives and friends see us as a happily married couple and I don’t think there is any doubt about it also. I love my husband like all the women, around me, who love their men and I have never held back anything, when it came to sharing and caring.
Ours was an arranged marriage and I had no issues about the marriage being arranged by my parents. But there were those unfortunate things, which were done as an inevitable part of an arranged marriage. He and his family, and even my family might have forgotten all of that but these are the things, which have always been in my mental backstage, though they never affected my on-stage performance.
So, the story begins like this. Our parents decided an exchange of five lakh rupees in our marriage along with the total dowry and a certain amount of gold. It was a mutual decision to an extent. My husband and I were very much aware of the facts, but we were not in the state of mind to have done something about this matter. We were not supposed to say anything. So, the marriage took place exactly as per the set rules and rituals. I went to my husband’s house with all dowry and five lakh rupees.
It’s been nine years since that event, but I have to confess that the guilt of that sin never went off my mind even for a single day. I always feel that I could have done something about it. I always feel that even my husband could have done something about it. And you know what, I would have loved him and his family all the more had they not taken all that. I would have loved my own family had they not given all that. I would have loved my husband a million times more, had he taken a simple step against all that and above all, I would have felt far better about myself had it not happened. When this happened, it killed something within me. And it still kills me.
The pain caused from the failure to do our bit can never let us live our life at fullest. That bit, which was left undone by me is here in front of you as my confession. I am guilty of not doing what I thought was right. I am guilty of not believing in my thoughts. I am guilty of keeping mum. I am guilty of not standing up for myself.
And I am very sure of this fact today that if you don’t stand up for yourself, you stand nowhere.
Image of a sad lady via Shutterstock
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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