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We all have a list of traits we desire in a partner. Have you given enough thought to what you don’t want in a partner? Here’s a quick guide!
When Neha, the niece of a friend, met a guy through a common friend with a view towards matrimony, her initial impression was a good one. But when she visited his home for lunch, this is what happened.
Ignoring Neha, his mother served the ‘boy’ all his favourite dishes, and constantly interrupted her own meal to personally serve him hot versions of anything he asked for (as well as stuff he had not asked for), in spite of an attentive house-help. At the end, she picked up his plate, and then…get this… waited to hand him the napkin when he was done washing his hands.
The worst part was that he simply sat back and accepted the entire ‘little boy’ routine as his due, not having the grace to even look embarrassed (or ask Neha if she needed something). At the end of the meal, the mother enumerated a list of dishes that her son (‘mera Bunty’) liked, and emphasised that he liked only the food cooked by his mother.
The worst part was that he simply sat back and accepted the entire ‘little boy’ routine as his due, not having the grace to even look embarrassed…
Over the next few weeks, she was subjected to more of this ‘helpless Bunty…needs to be looked after’ spiel from her prospective MIL. Furthermore, whether it was the colour of an outfit or choice of restaurant, a movie that the couple decided to watch together or choice of gift, Mummyji’s wishes reigned supreme. All outings were punctuated with at least one call from her, asking when he would return.
They were like a duet that never stopped singing, “my baby likes and my momma wants”.
Neha broke it off.
In her words, “It was a disturbing trailer of the horror movie that my life would have become. I would not be surprised if she cut his toenails and ironed his underwear!”
Does your partner feel compelled to share every trivial/daily/mundane detail with his/her parent? This may continue, embarassingly so, after marriage. I know someone whose child lives in another city, and rings her up twice, every single day, to find out about her day ( the ‘child’ is twenty-five years old).
Does your partner litter the living space and wait for someone to clear up (usually mommy or a maid and more ominously, you)? This “mere joote uthao” (pick my shoes) attitude is the fallout of indulgent parenting and a portent of what you will be: cleaner-of-messes, literal as well as metaphorical ones.
Overprotective parents often do not tolerate any criticism of their offspring. So, your partner is not used to it. The result could be a partner who will not tolerate any criticism from you, and a parent-in-law, who will blame you for every single thing that goes wrong.
Parents who hover will need to pry into every aspect of their offspring’s life. This will include you, the partner, as well. I came across a blog written by a woman whose parents snooped through the letterbox of her fiancé to find out his credit-limit.
Your partner may not be able to solve his/her own problems. Running to Mommy or Daddy every single time is cute in early childhood, but pathological as an adult. The classic example is of a person, who lost her way in a new city, but instead of asking a passerby for directions, rang up her mom to ask what to do.
We are all the apple of our parents’ eyes, are we not? Daddy’s little princess and mama’s precious boy! But at times, this affection stops being just that and becomes possessive, thereby stunting emotional growth and stifling independence.
So, before you commit to a relationship, look for the telltale signs of an overprotective parent. And, take an informed decision.
Pic credit: Image of a person running via Shutterstock.
I am Ujwala Shenoy Karmarkar. I love reading, meeting people, listening to music, watching plays,
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i loved all your articles some by holding breath, some with redicule feel, but the difficult choice really met my heart finding solution as is where is basis. make hay while sun shine. tks looking forward for more
My expectation was slightly different based on the article’s title. Somehow, felt that this narrows down to a specific area which is revolving around possessive and protective parents and pampered sons. In my opinion the article does not do justice to the title (the scope of which is much broader), if that can be changed, it would be nice.
One way to test this is to see whether he will be comfortable washing his own plate either at his own home or when you invite him over. If he hesitates and expects someone else to do it, or worse, like you have described, his mother has to take it from his hand, then it is pathetic case!
Of course, some women might feel there is nothing wrong with that as their upbringing would also be similar, where they or their mother would be happily washing their father’s or brother’s plates!!
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