8 years of womensweb

Are Women Loved For All The Wrong Reasons?

Posted: November 15, 2014

Women are taught to serve everyone else, except themselves. If you have wondered why most  women feel that the world is biased against them, here is a list of answers. 

Times may have changed, things may have changed, the whole perspective may have changed… perhaps, life may have changed. But this change is so little, and for so few. For a whole large number, the story remains the same. And here’s the story of love, appreciation, and value of women, yet again. Who says women are not loved, appreciated, and valued enough?

Women are loved, pampered, and appreciated a lot when they act dumb. Women are loved when they keep on pretending that they don’t have a mind superior to their counterparts. They are loved when they say “yes, I exist only for you, and only because of you.” They are loved every time they surrender to the wishes of others.

They are loved and valued and appreciated for sacrificing their lives, time, money, interests, hobbies, and most of all, their careers. They are loved when they make everybody else the priority of their life but themselves. They are loved when they eat last, when they sleep less and last, when they stop feeling for themselves, and don’t spend time for themselves. They are loved for cooking and spending most of their lifetime in the kitchen.

They are loved when everybody else in the house finds their things in place (even without keeping them in place on their own). They are loved for understanding others’ needs, and not having needs themselves. They are loved for not complaining, not countering, not arguing.

Women are loved for controlling their anger and frustrations. They are loved for unlearning their rights, and not missing to fulfil their duties towards all. If at all they are loved, they are loved for speaking soft and sweet, and for holding the bitter truths within. Women are valued for devaluing their lives. They are appreciated for not appreciating themselves. They are liked for not liking themselves. They are loved for remaining confused throughout their lives.

Women are valued for devaluing their lives.

They are loved when they say they don’t know what they love the most… they are loved for the pretended, fabricated “innocence” despite being clear, smart, decisive, intelligent. They are loved for feeling physically weak and seeking a shield. They are loved for living a totally unacknowledged life.

Women are loved for covering themselves and keeping a veil over their mind, soul, and heart. Women are loved for keeping a veil over harassment and exploitation. Women are loved for staying silent against domestic violence and abuse. Women are loved when they don’t ask for logic.

Women are loved for not questioning, while they are questioned for all of their lives. Women are loved for not saying No. Women are loved for taking all the responsibilities – beyond their limits and competence. Women are loved for not making themselves the centre of their lives.

Women are loved for not rebelling, for covering the evils of others. Women are loved for being ready to be blamed.

Women are loved for being delicate, introvert, and yet, sloggers.  Women are loved for not rebelling, for covering the evils of others. Women are loved for being ready to be blamed. They are loved for surviving the relationships despite their abuse and exploitation. They are loved, appreciated, and valued for unconditional urge to have a home and making it the basis of their lives. They are loved for remaining financially dependent. They are loved for being available all times. They are loved for being vulnerable and getting victimised.

Women are loved for they keep waiting, they keep waiting for everybody else to understand their needs. Women are loved for not uttering their desires. They are loved for killing their ambitions and sacrificing their dreams. Women are loved for living someone else’s desires, ambitions, and dreams.

Women are appreciated for all the balance they keep despite of the whole imbalanced behaviour against them. Women are loved for surviving the suffocation and condition themselves accordingly. Women are loved for not demanding the life of a human being. Women are loved, appreciated, and valued for all the wrong reasons.

This post was first published here.

Pic credit: Image of hands reaching for help via Shutterstock.

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Comments

23 Comments


  1. Dear Aparna,

    Each statement is correct. I appreciate what is written here. Every one wants to mould women as per their wishes and desires and LOVE them when they do so….be it your own family or any other relationship.

  2. Though most of the thoughts in the post r true.. I would just like to give my two bits. A lot of it is true because we allow it to happen. What stops us from voicing our thoughts or acting differently than normal. If we continue doing what we have always done – we will continue getting the same response

  3. Many women may have seen their lives through the article but at the same time isnt it true that she kind of surrenders herself rather than speaking out and being taken for granted

  4. Viayagopalakrishnan -

    Dear Aparna, Wat you said is correct. There is a problem (lot),But wat is the sollution.Be brave,procceied further.Things will change automatically. we are powerful humanbeings.Have faith,cool and proceied further.Best Wishes.

  5. You think man’s life is a cakewalk? Naah! Sorry, lady.

    • Hmm. Let me see. When a son is born, no matter the circumstances of the family, there are celebrations.

      When a girl is born, there is disappointed silence. Even if the family is wealthy and middle-class, there disappointment.

      A woman’s parents raise a daughter knowing that eventually, they will have to give up all their rights over her.

      She will be the possession of her husband and his family. Notice that I use the word possession, because in India, a wife and daughter-in-law is not seen as an independent human being.

      She has to wear what she is told to wear, wake up at a certain time, take care of everything and everyone, put everyone’s happiness before her own.

      At the end of all this, is she treated as a valued family member? No, she is not.

      She is still an outsider in her husband’s family. She is in a subservient role until the son gets married and another slave enters the family.

      Who pays for all the wedding expenses? The parents of the slave. Oh sorry I meant wife.

      When a child is born, the child takes the father’s name. Who pays for the delivery and the costs of the baby’s naming ceremony and other costs? You guessed it. The woman’s parents, who after taking so much care of the child, still have no rights over their daughter’s child.

      As a son-in-law, a man is pampered, respected always welcomed.

      How is a daughter-in-law treated in India? She is just a glorified servant in her husband’s house, she is a possession, not a human being.

      It is a woman’s duty to care for her in-laws. What are the son-in-law’s duties? Hmm, he’s just done the girl’s parents a huge favour. He agreed to marry their daughter. Wow, talk about generosity.

      Let’s turn to the life of married working women. Even when the wife works and contributes to the family economically, who does the lion’s share of childcare, cleaning and cooking?

      Are you really saying that men have it bad?

  6. well i would like to add, inspite of all the above sacrifices, women are NOT LOVED if they are not supposed to be………inspite of their entire lives in kitchen, their fearsome silence, and unexpectant lives, they have to hear comments like “you are foolish, ignorant and dumb…….keep quiet”……at the end of all things…

  7. I feel it applies to both men and women but as an only child(girl) I feel parents of girl child are at disadvantage the process of Kanyadaan in hinduism established centuries ago give an undue advantage to boy’s parent that ideally girl will break all the ties with her family and join new family. This is the root cause of all evil in our society. Boy’s parent feel they have right to retirement investment(their boy) , they get free caretaker as Dil in kanyadaan, right t be with grandkids most of the time and dil should seek permission to go to her own home and boys family name goes forward more power in society. In turn Girl’s parent ideally cant have that retirement benefit in girl, son in laws(jamai) dont have set duties toward their new family…it’s on their will its not considered bad. Religions that are not old like hinduism preach that boy and girl should move to their new home leaving both familes and parents should let the children go and not interfere in their lives. Hinduism is the greatest and oldest religion but like Sati…Kanyadaan should be stopped, even Streedhan , vardhan etc..those rules were valid back then.

    Children are gift of god to be taken care of not to be seen as liabilty(girl) or (investment)boys.

    • Very well written article, it narrates the story of all the women around the world. even how strongly you feel about feminism and women power as part in this society you have to give in to this mentality some or the other way. and it break you from inside as your values and beliefs are crushed. the only way we can make a difference, is to stop this with us, inculcate the value of equality and respect in our children. and when we are in the place of our parents and in laws, make sure we don’t repeat what we faced.

  8. So very true……… every women is experiencing this in some way or the other……… dependency on others is appreciated because every one wants to keep a woman in control.

  9. Wonderful artical Aparna…. Very well said, with all the valid examples……. I bet every women might have experienced such things in her life….

  10. nice article. truth is mentioned.
    there was one case I saw – one girl used to do tracking, photography before and even after her marriage.she was balancing her home and work,hobbies very well. Her friend admired her and said, ‘wow!take photographs after each tracking and tour! your kids and in-laws will feel proud ! ” She sighed and said ” they will feel pride when I will stop doing all this. so they can say, ” hamare bahune hamareliye sab chhod diya” . they will be happy when i sacrifice, not when i enjoy or achieve.’ this is condition of todays woman.

  11. Heart touching article. Its our duty to change this trend or else our daughters have to see the same life.

  12. So true that it hurts 🙁

  13. hit the nail on the head..

  14. I am one of those lucky women who did not tie the line. I have lived my life on my terms!
    My parents, my husband, my son have always given me the respect I deserve and demand.
    Just to let you know that our tribe, however small, does exist.
    And we will multiply.

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