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What traits do you praise in a woman? Your misguided praise may do more harm than good by reinforcing gender stereotypes, says this post.
When patriarchy tries to be modern and lavish compliments on women, the result can be atrociously funny (if you are the type that laughs at the ignorance and sheer fat-headedness that lies behind gender stereotyping) or simply disgusting (if you are the type that refuses to take such matters lightly).
Today, some dolt – no doubt, a well-meaning one – trying to make up for centuries of male cruelty and ingratitude – posted one of those message-carrying posters on Facebook. There was a curvy female in a skirt of an impossible fit standing with one hand on her hip and the other pointed towards the ‘sermon’, with a daft smile on her pink lips, featured at the bottom right hand corner of the poster.
The poster read (and I quote verbatim): “Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her your love, she’ll give you her life. If you give her a house, she’ll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she’ll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she’ll give you her heart. She multiplies what is given to her… cheers to all beautiful ladies.” To this, our dolt had added the comment – ‘For all the ladies out there’.
I had a laughing fit.
I thought of the suitors I had rejected. They had, undeniably, given me their love, but, as I had explained to each of them, love alone would not suffice to inspire me to share my life with (any one of) them. There were other equally important factors – like compatibility and likeness of taste and union of outlook. And so, rejecting the lovelorn suitors, I had chosen my partner – who promised not so much undying love as mutual respect and an exciting journey together.
When my partner and I had finally saved enough to buy a house (actually it is a flat), I knew better than to try my hand at something I had no aptitude for. So I, willingly and unprompted, gave my interior decorator brother-in-law the charge of making it a ‘home’ for us.
Every first Saturday of the month, when my partner and I meet in the evening, taking off from our respective jobs a mite earlier than usual, we go to the shopping mall near our house for the month’s supply of groceries. Once we have lugged the bags home, and arranged the stuff in their respective places like refrigerator, kitchen shelves, and kitchen cabinet, we call for a giant pizza and watch the news on television and chatter our heads off. Next day onwards, we take turns cooking unless we decide to dine out, or better still, his mother or mine visits us and offers to take charge of the kitchen.
And for all the men who smiled, and who still smile romantically at me, if I had to give each of them my heart, for one, my partner would have been none too pleased, and for another, I would not have had much heart left.
As for ‘she multiplies what is given to her’, I am reminded of my profession – my writing and editing assignments – where the brief always is to make it short and sweet! If I multiplied rather than subtracted, I would soon be without a job!
I am sure you all mean well, when you put up or share posts glorifying us women, attributing to all of us saintly qualities like unconditional love, unrepentant sacrifice, and unflinching faith in the goodness of things.
Guys – and I also include the man who posted this – I am sure you all mean well, when you put up or share posts glorifying us women, attributing to all of us saintly qualities like unconditional love, unrepentant sacrifice, and unflinching faith in the goodness of things. I am sure that by hailing us thus, you are trying to make up for your great grandfathers, grandfathers and, perhaps even fathers, who did not live in times when women’s rights and women’s assertion were a public agenda, and who never imagined that women could deserve any attention.
But guys, don’t you realise, that by portraying us thus, you are also making us out to be the most uncomplaining of drudges in human society? That you are not giving a fillip to our struggle for liberation, but actually taking away from it? Guys, honestly speaking, we could do without the halo, but not without the right to be as we are and proud of it.
Pic cedit: Image of a woman dressed as an angel via Shutterstock.
A social activist, I never tire of wondering at the myriad ways in which women are ceaselessly brought to book whenever they express sentiments that differentiate them from doormats. I also have a passion for read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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