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A son writes to his parents about being subjected to humiliation at the arranged marriage market in India.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/archeon/2941655917
Dear Mom and Dad,
I write to you today to thank you for all the blessings I have received. I pen my words to thank you for the education you gave me, the trouble you took to see me hale and hearty. I remember Dad getting me expensive toys when I demanded them and Mom pressuring Dad to fulfil my desires.
Mom and Dad, you supported me when I went for my first interview, got my first job, and gave you my first paycheck. I thank you Mom and Dad for all the wonderful things you did for me.
Mom, when the time came for me to get married, you decided that I would marry the person of your choice. Dad, you made sure that the family from who proposals arrived matched our stature.
You asked the girl if she can cook, you asked her if she could sing. Mom and Dad, you made sure that she matched me in my looks and height. You did not stop at that, you then asked her about her income; how would she distribute it after getting married? You asked her parents about the ‘D’ word. You demanded them a four-wheeler for me to facilitate my commute to office and to take their daughter to movies and outings occasionally. You asked them how much cash they are going to give their daughter, and the weight of gold she is going to get to her marital home. You demanded respect from them even though you never deemed them worthy of any respect.
Mom, Dad, you argued that you are doing this to ensure a bright future for your son. You gave me the best in everything and helped me earn a position of respect in the society. I earn a reasonable salary, thanks to you, to buy myself a car and take care of my family. You enabled me to stand on my own feet and today I am successful enough to give all the comforts you have given me, to my wife and future children. I do not need my in-laws to support me for that.
Further, Mom and Dad, I do not wish to marry a singer or a cook, all I need is a soul mate who will be with me through thick and thin, someone who will love me with all my faults and will not desert me when I am not fit enough to stand on my own. I wish to marry someone who is as human as I am. I do not wish her to have exceptional talents but rather prefer that she is a little humble, a little crazy and a lot more genuine.
Mom and Dad, please stop advertising me in the Bazaar of Arranged Marriages as the latest commodity and cause me discomfort when I look myself in the mirror every morning.
I love you Mom and Dad, but I would love and respect you more if you trust me to find the right person for myself, irrespective of her talents, status and looks.
Yours,
Indian Son raised as a commodity for Arranged Marriages
Pic credit: archeon (Used under a CC license)
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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