A New Website For Patriarchy? No, Thanks!

Posted: August 22, 2014

The marriage market seems to be doing no favours to women. Latest  in its offerings is a regressive, male chauvinist website for highly educated men and women from premier institutes. Here’s a brilliant response to it!

I’m a little stirred, but still not shaken. I have been quite furious about the latest trending website  that is doing the rounds of the internet. Girls who are waiting to get married, and guys who can’t find the right one despite being educated from a top notch IIT-IIM, the answer to your worries is here!

Here is a website which will give you the best of all. For the educated guys looking for an educated bride who can do a part-time job or better, live at home and manage the household (I don’t know why in the name of God that is seen as a ‘low’ job!) – here, the Wedding God presents to you, the gift of this generation, so educated and yet, so regressive, the IitIimshaadi.com!

A sad me couldn’t wait to break the bubble for the creator of the website who proudly calls it a place where we can have “a larger pool of choices for men”. Because, as we all know, men call the shots.


Dear Wedding-God-of-all-highly-educated,

Here I am. Just a PhD from a University which you do include in your list of eligible institutions. Need I say, I am very thankful that you considered me ‘eligible’ to marry one of the ‘highly, highly, highly’ educated guys from the pool of prestigious  institutes of this country.

I feel obliged and I thought it was important to thank you for including me, my college, my degrees in your “Voila! You are eligible” criteria. Though every one should marry the one they consider good for them, here is why I think you should shove this website up your over-qualified regressive mind:

Education is not a criteria for goodness

In a country where men from IITs have told me that I am a woman worth being raped because I speak against patriarchy, I don’t agree with you. In a country where men from IIMs have told me how about under-qualified I am because I am not an MBA, I don’t agree with you. In a country where men from Ivy league colleges have told me that I must follow religious rituals for a happy marriage, I don’t agree with you.

In a country where IAS men have told me that I should not think of a career after I have my children, I don’t agree with you. Marriage is a bond of minds, and  you are merely inflating egos of these IIT/IIM/XYZ grads who think there is nothing else that matters other than their qualifications. Those who think that their degrees are the values that will help them get a educated-homely-trophy wife, I feel sorry for you!

You need to get real

Not only are you promoting dowry and money-minded culture in the country, you are promoting the men to go out and have the power to reject any girl because they are the ones who call the shots in any situation. While it is indeed a personal choice, feeding patriarchal mindsets is not a good thing. We, in the social sector, sadly have been working our behinds off on changing those while people like you are feeding these regressive mindsets.

You seem to be hiding patriarchal chauvinism in the name of practicality. I am sorry, the world is changing, and relationships are beyond who is more qualified. (Looking at the qualifications needed to apply for men vs for women, I am disgusted at your approach where you think a male should be superior and more qualified than the female).

Thank you, but I’d rather not marry, than marry a guy who believes in this attitude. I’d rather not marry than marry a guy who thinks his education is his ‘blank cheque’ to a life (oh, the big car you show on your webpage is just brilliant!). I would rather  not marry than marry an IIT/IIM grad who thinks his degree is his “all access pass” to every patriarchal benefit in this world. I would rather not marry than  marry a guy who has his profile on your website.

There are good men out there. Even in IITs/IIMs. Please don’t spoil their name. Please don’t pollute mindsets. We are trying to create a better society, based on equality, and not gender bias.

(NOT) Yours Eligibly,
A changemaker/deal-breaker

Pic credit: Le4nd (Used under a CC license)

A Development Communication & Social Work professional working in the field of gender, health and technology

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9 Comments


  1. Brilliant. At first I thought I was a joke until I read somewhere how this website came into existence where the creators mentioned they were trying to solve the match-making trouble they and their friends were experiencing. With such logic and mindset, nothing better was expected. But they could have done a lot better by introspecting. This is sheer ignorance and cruelty to the nation, so the sooner you guys learn the better.

  2. Sonali Upadhyaya -

    A wonderful article. And I too thought this website was a joke. I still hope it is!

  3. what’s the name of the website?is it shaadi.com?

  4. Suchi, one step forward and two steps backwards, isn’t it? This is proof of the statement that good education should not equated with wisdom or a liberated mind!!!
    I pity the people who are getting married in this manner.

    • Suchi Gaur

      Totally Ujwala. We are becoming rigid with education while what it should be doing is progress. Patriarchy is becoming stronger instead of being chopped off.

  5. What about us, we are males graduated from good institutes like sydhnam, tapmi, COEP but than too we are considered less qualified as per the site. Should we stop dreaming about getting married? Are we doomed? This is truelly gender discrimination, we males can’t afford better brides inspite of having good education.

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