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Independence means different things to each of us. Here is a warm story about rebellion, taking responsibility for yourself, and being truly independent.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/kliefi/2303269060
Seeking approval, a need for acceptance, a fear of the unknown, a fear of making mistakes, of criticism, and of not being liked – are some of the worries that haunt independent women like you and me even today.
Long ago, when I was a gullible teenager, the definition of ‘independence’ was only ‘financial independence’. I was clueless of my dependence on my parents’ advice on the smallest of things like where to get my bike’s puncture repaired or how to use the kiosk at the electricity board office, or bigger things like handling a bad boss, or my roommate’s laziness despite earning money.
Little did I realize that my parents were also caught in the same trap of ‘protective parents’ whose protection bordered on fear and obsession to know everything, and give me their opinion on it. All my decisions were overshadowed by their take on whatever I did.
I was taught by my father (in particular) that I had to consult him before making a decision. To the extent where he chose my vocation after standard 10. I remember hovering near him while he sat hunched over all the application forms for the Science stream. I was meekly telling him in the background that I wanted to take up commerce. It was no surprise to me when I did not score well, and was a shock and embarrassment to him while all his colleagues’ daughters scored above 90%.
I remember hovering near him while he sat hunched over all the application forms for the Science stream. I was meekly telling him in the background that I wanted to take up commerce.
I think that was when I began to rebel.
My relationship with my parents was tumultuous. I was so lost in life that I blamed them for my failure. I blamed them for their lack of belief in their daughter. Blamed them for having such low standards. Blamed them for making me like them.
I went through 4 jobs I hated, was unemployed for a year spending increasing amounts of time shut in my room in embarrassment, was pitted against my successful sister, and was generally rejected by my parents just as I had rejected them.
One fine day, it was all over. I stood up, dusted my shoulder, and walked out into the sunshine. To hell with my past.
Now I sit with my parents, sipping tea. I look over my cup at their many grey strands of hair, their failing eyesight, their worry lines. I can smell their fear of old age from a distance. It pains me to understand that they too are a part of a system that beats the life of those who allow it. That they too are a part of this vicious cycle of approval seeking. That ‘self-belief’ is alien to them.
Nowadays, I merely watch over them and restrain from criticizing. If I did, then I haven’t learned that they too have an opinion and it is just theirs. It has nothing to do with what I think of it. Nor is there a need to apply it.
This thought has liberated me tremendously. In fact, I feel more responsible. A responsibility to care for myself and my thoughts. It does not matter anymore what you think of me. All that matters now is what I think of myself.
Pic credit: Kliefi (Used under a CC license)
I find solace in quick-witted humour; yet solitude feels like home. I find beauty in Sunset; yet I'd pick Sunrise over flowers. I am free like a bird; yet can be framed in read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
It is shameful that in today's world too, women are abused and even killed for giving birth to a girl, and the infant's life is also of no value.
Trigger Warning: This deals with domestic violence, suicide, and violence against women, and may be triggering to survivors.
I am so glad that the esteemed courts are now giving the much-required verdicts regarding certain ideologies that were not at all entertained earlier. I mean we all have studied this much biology at our school level and it is our duty (our generation) to educate our elders about it.
Why someone have to lose a life to bring such awareness to the society. Delhi High Court gave this judgement concerning a case that filed by the deceased daughter’s parents against her in-laws. She committed suicide as she was harassed and tortured for dowry and giving birth to two daughters.
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