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When does a girl become a woman? Why do we think only motherhood or a man's love makes her a woman?
Neil Diamond had no clue what he was unleashing when he sang this song. He probably did not anticipate that some girls, and I among them, might not appreciate being categorized as girls and women. The offensive part is not the becoming, but the manner in which this becoming is supposed to happen.
Having been a girl for 25 years, I have found broadly two categories of beliefs in the society about my impending becoming a woman. The first category says that I will become a ‘woman’ once I am a mother. Quite possibly, this thinking has led to our current overpopulation quagmire, which we euphemistically term as ‘human resource’. To these people I will never be a ‘woman’ if I don’t have kids. I suppose my lady parts will fall out soon enough if I don’t rush to churn out kids from those parts! The second category is less harsh, relatively. People of this category say that I will become a woman when a ‘man’ loves me. Man, huh? No ‘boy’ ‘man’ differentiation for the other half of ‘man’kind. As always, society did not put any clamps on masculinity. Such shackles are only meant for ‘women’, nay ‘girls’. I daresay, these people hypothesize, that if I am not loved by a ‘man’ my girly bits would wither away from lack of manly love.
To give my two bits’ worth, I believe that becoming a woman has got nothing to do with men who’ll love me or impregnate me, if at all! It is entirely my business. I thought I was a woman at 15, when I first rode the crimson tide. Then upon turning 18, I thought I was as much a woman, as I ever will be. When I lost my virginity, I sure as hell thought, that I had it made a woman! However, today, at 25, I still feel that every passing day I am more a woman than I was yesterday! As I learn to handle my hormones and myself better, I become more and more a woman. Maybe, womanhood is not a state that girls attain, but rather a series of thresholds that they cross into an ever-unfolding journey. Perhaps, different girls have different ways in which they become women.
All I know for sure is that society should not have such silly markers on what women were, are or will be, especially on something as feminine as becoming ‘women’. A lot more girls will be happy women then!
The author calls herself an espouser of women’s causes, unconventional, Englishophile, foodie, health and fitness devotee, reader, techie, writer, teacher, content developer, music buff, super heroes fan… 25 and growing.
Pic credit: Horia (Used under a Creative Commons license)
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Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Women today don’t want to be in a partnership that complicates their lives further. They need an equal partner with whom they can figure out life as a team, playing by each other’s strengths.
We all are familiar with that one annoying aunty who is more interested in our marital status than in the dessert counter at a wedding. But these aunties have somehow become obsolete now. Now they are replaced by men we have in our lives. Friends, family, and even work colleagues. It’s the men who are worried about why we are not saying yes to one among their clans. What is wrong with us? Aren’t we scared of dying alone? Like them?
A recent interaction with a guy friend of mine turned sour when he lectured me about how I would regret not getting married at the right time. He lectured that every event in our lives needs to be completed within a certain timeframe set by society else we are doomed. I wasn’t angry. I was just disappointed to realize that annoying aunties are rapidly doubling in our society. And they don’t just appear at weddings or family functions anymore. They are everywhere. They are the real pandemic.
Let’s examine this a little closer.
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