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Why do we still observe the gender division of labour, the boundary that defines male and female work?
As kids in India, we are brought up to certain stereotypes. Household chores like cleaning out attics, cleaning cars, fixing machinery around the house are all labeled ‘men’s work’. Anything to do with the kitchen, clothes, household items, come under the purview of the females. Growing up in a household, where the men in the house comprised of one person over 65 years of age and one under 10 years, I’ve been exposed to women doing all of the above jobs, irrespective of whether it was men’s work or women’s work.
Breaking the stereotype, my mother and I have climbed into attics and climbed down water tanks, fixed every sort of machinery around the house, from washing machines, to refrigerators to water pumps. There was always a manual to help, and what didn’t come with a manual, could mostly be solved with a bit of common sense.
So it came as a bit of a surprise when a couple of days back I heard a lady complain about how she would have to order lunch from a restaurant since the gas cylinder had run out and she would have to wait till evening when her husband returned and connected the other cylinder. The person in question is an independent, working woman, juggling duties of motherhood, wife-hood and an IT job. I offered to help her out, the reaction to which was, ‘Oh! Ye to admiyon ka kaam hai, aap kaise karoge? Kuch gadbad ho gayi to!’ (literally translated: This is men’s work, how will you do it? What if something goes wrong!) After a lot of persuading she agreed to let me ‘try’ and change the cylinder.
This seemingly trivial incidence highlights how, for every woman who has gained independence from the shackles that bind her to certain kinds of work, there are ten other women who still restrict themselves to what they deem as a work befitting a female. It also shows how an education does not necessarily ensure a change in the mindset, or a willingness to break away from the mold that society puts women into. These stereotypes are ingrained so deeply in our psyche that in spite of being fully capable, we are scared to break those barriers that restrict us. In spite of knowing the importance of being self-sufficient, we consciously stay away from breaking out of our comfort zones and doing things that will make us seem different. Is it fear, or just laziness?
It’s hard to change the mindset of those around us, but as parents it is certainly possible to keep our kids away from these gender stereotypes. At least the generations to come will have something to thank us for.
Pic of a female electrician at work in Israel, courtesy Government Press Office (Used under a Creative Commons license)
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Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Women today don’t want to be in a partnership that complicates their lives further. They need an equal partner with whom they can figure out life as a team, playing by each other’s strengths.
We all are familiar with that one annoying aunty who is more interested in our marital status than in the dessert counter at a wedding. But these aunties have somehow become obsolete now. Now they are replaced by men we have in our lives. Friends, family, and even work colleagues. It’s the men who are worried about why we are not saying yes to one among their clans. What is wrong with us? Aren’t we scared of dying alone? Like them?
A recent interaction with a guy friend of mine turned sour when he lectured me about how I would regret not getting married at the right time. He lectured that every event in our lives needs to be completed within a certain timeframe set by society else we are doomed. I wasn’t angry. I was just disappointed to realize that annoying aunties are rapidly doubling in our society. And they don’t just appear at weddings or family functions anymore. They are everywhere. They are the real pandemic.
Let’s examine this a little closer.
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