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Why do women judge other women so harshly when we are all trying to do our best? Working women or SAHMs, let us be gentle on each other!
I was chatting with a group of friends.
One of them said it disturbed her that parents leave kids in daycare until late, even as late as 8 p.m. She thought women were too busy going after money and did not care to spend a little time with their children.
This lady, a mother herself, is a career woman too, but made sure she got home in time to spend a few hours with her children.
Another friend remarked that it was alright if the kids were in the care of grandparents or a trusted family member. Daycare options were not good enough and nannies not to be trusted.
This lady has in-laws who take good care of the children in her absence.
Yet another friend felt women should wait until kids are older before resuming (or in some cases, beginning) their careers.
This was a lady who had waited until her son was ten before taking up a job.
See the pattern here?
Every woman is influenced by her own truth. She uses her individual situation and personal beliefs to judge other women. But, won’t other women have circumstances of their own and values that are personal to them, and make decisions guided by them? Is it fair to apply one common rule, a general yardstick to evaluate everyone?
Why then do we women indulge in this occupation of judging?
In the past, I have been guilty of this as well. Is it a need to validate our own decision, to assuage our guilt? Is it envy? Or is it an attempt to help our sisters in the belief that we have greater knowledge or experience?
In truth, our sisters would do better if we didn’t judge them. Because no matter how well we think we know someone, we don’t truly know them. Neither can we put ourselves in their shoes and understand the position they are in.
If we women can’t stand by each other, let’s not expect anyone else to.
Pic credit: Eastop
Arundhati Venkatesh is a children's books author. Her books have won several awards, including the SCBWI Crystal Kite Award 2015 for India, Middle East and Asia for read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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