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Why do women judge other women so harshly when we are all trying to do our best? Working women or SAHMs, let us be gentle on each other!
I was chatting with a group of friends.
One of them said it disturbed her that parents leave kids in daycare until late, even as late as 8 p.m. She thought women were too busy going after money and did not care to spend a little time with their children.
This lady, a mother herself, is a career woman too, but made sure she got home in time to spend a few hours with her children.
Another friend remarked that it was alright if the kids were in the care of grandparents or a trusted family member. Daycare options were not good enough and nannies not to be trusted.
This lady has in-laws who take good care of the children in her absence.
Yet another friend felt women should wait until kids are older before resuming (or in some cases, beginning) their careers.
This was a lady who had waited until her son was ten before taking up a job.
See the pattern here?
Every woman is influenced by her own truth. She uses her individual situation and personal beliefs to judge other women. But, won’t other women have circumstances of their own and values that are personal to them, and make decisions guided by them? Is it fair to apply one common rule, a general yardstick to evaluate everyone?
Why then do we women indulge in this occupation of judging?
In the past, I have been guilty of this as well. Is it a need to validate our own decision, to assuage our guilt? Is it envy? Or is it an attempt to help our sisters in the belief that we have greater knowledge or experience?
In truth, our sisters would do better if we didn’t judge them. Because no matter how well we think we know someone, we don’t truly know them. Neither can we put ourselves in their shoes and understand the position they are in.
If we women can’t stand by each other, let’s not expect anyone else to.
Pic credit: Eastop
Arundhati Venkatesh is a children's books author. Her books have won several awards, including the SCBWI Crystal Kite Award 2015 for India, Middle East and Asia for read more...
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Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Women today don’t want to be in a partnership that complicates their lives further. They need an equal partner with whom they can figure out life as a team, playing by each other’s strengths.
We all are familiar with that one annoying aunty who is more interested in our marital status than in the dessert counter at a wedding. But these aunties have somehow become obsolete now. Now they are replaced by men we have in our lives. Friends, family, and even work colleagues. It’s the men who are worried about why we are not saying yes to one among their clans. What is wrong with us? Aren’t we scared of dying alone? Like them?
A recent interaction with a guy friend of mine turned sour when he lectured me about how I would regret not getting married at the right time. He lectured that every event in our lives needs to be completed within a certain timeframe set by society else we are doomed. I wasn’t angry. I was just disappointed to realize that annoying aunties are rapidly doubling in our society. And they don’t just appear at weddings or family functions anymore. They are everywhere. They are the real pandemic.
Let’s examine this a little closer.
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