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Women's liberation in India is still very selective, with daughters encouraged to be independent - but only before marriage
Guest Blogger Arunima in her own words: I’m a software project manager by profession. In my personal life, I try to manage 3 projects – a very boisterous kid, a joint family setup and my own creative interests.
“We’ve begun to raise daughters more like sons…but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters”: Gloria Steinem
I came across this quotation in this post by Sunil Sir. Ever since then I have been wondering how true the first part of it is (am not even going to start debating on the second part!). Do we really raise our daughters like sons? Or are we being just plain hypocritical.
We teach our daughters to think for themselves, speak up for what is right, speak against what is wrong, to be financially independent and so on. But how many of us are willing to let our daughters stay that way even after marriage. How many parents do not tell their daughter to “keep everyone in your new home happy” as she steps out of her home into a so-called new life. Nobody says be rude, but hey, what happened to all that you taught us in the last two and a half, nearly three decades!
There is a wall hanging at my parents’ place, which I’ve seen since as long as I can remember. It read, “The sole purpose and mission of a woman’s life is to build a home more beautiful than her father’s and knit with dearer ties.” Oh, well! Shouldn’t that read, “The sole purpose and mission of a married couple’s life is to build a home more beautiful than their fathers’ and knit with dearer ties”?
The picture doesn’t change much when you tide over to the other side. A close school friend of mine coming from a semi-traditional South Indian family, married into a typical North Indian family from Delhi. Needless to say it was a love marriage, one that was reasonably supported from both sides. The boy’s parents “supported” her wish to continue working after marriage and after a baby as well.
To give her the independence required (there was none of that lacking before marriage!), she was encouraged to drive, run errands on her own. All of this, a first for them. But once home, she still has to practice ghoonghat, cannot eat at the same table as the elders, not even sit at the same table/sofa as her father-in-law or elder brother-in-law. Ever watched “Balika Vadhu” on Colors TV? Does this strike a chord?
So what is this? Selective liberation, or are we just slow at adapting?
Pic credit: Nagarjun (Used under a Creative Commons license)
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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