Check out 16 Return-To-Work Programs In India For Ambitious Women Like You!
Are older people incapable of adapting to change? Or is adaptation a factor of more than just age?
I came across a rather curious letter recently, over at the IHM’s blog, from a young man who fears that his prospective wife will not love his parents as much as he does, that she will have an individualistic view of life, while he believes that the individual is not as important as the family unit. Without getting into my thoughts on his rather unrealistic wishes, one thing that struck me was the implicit assumption that older people cannot change – and the wish that they should not have to.
Is this true? I don’t recall where I read it, but I remember reading some research once that said human beings were at their most adaptable in their 20s or 30s, and adaptability began declining after this age.
However, I also feel that how we view old age (both as young people viewing our elders and while growing old ourselves) is also a matter of culture. Why is it that we often see older people from Western countries travelling, eating out, having hobbies and interests, while older people in India are generally expected to act as caregivers for their grandchildren and rarely do stuff for themselves? Of course, it is also a question of how we define enjoyment – it is entirely possible that for many older people, being with their grandchildren is the most enjoyable thing to do.
Similarly, I feel that adaptation and degrees of adaptation could also vary widely – depending on learning, exposure, circumstances – and one’s personality. Even if adaptability goes downhill, one older person adapts to changing circumstances more easily than another. After all, how do parents of girls “adapt” to their children leaving home to get married while parents of boys feel that they have been dealt an injustice if their son moves out to set up his own household? Both face situations of adult children leaving home, but the girls’ parents adapt because they have long expected that this is what will – and indeed should, happen.
My grandmother, who grew up in a strictly caste-conscious era and has always regarded our caste as ‘superior’, remarked when she learnt of my decision to marry a man from a totally different caste, region, language, “How does it matter? Are they not human beings too?” At that time, she was already past 80. I don’t know if her views on caste have fundamentally changed or ever will, but certainly, they are not the same as what she held even 10 or 20 years ago. Among other things, inter-caste marriages and the opportunity to interact closely with people from other castes are a factor in making people realize how meaningless casteism is.
We do older people a disservice when we assume that they cannot change, do not want to change. People who are open to learning continue to learn, even if the rate slows down over time. Certainly, there are people set in their ways and convinced that they know it all – that theirs is the final word and they have nothing to learn. Interestingly, I have seen enough of such folks in my own generation too.
Pic credit: Marco Nedermeijer (Used under a Creative Commons license)
Founder & Chief Editor of Women's Web, Aparna believes in the power of ideas and conversations to create change. She has been writing since she was ten. In another life, she used to be read more...
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Women today don’t want to be in a partnership that complicates their lives further. They need an equal partner with whom they can figure out life as a team, playing by each other’s strengths.
We all are familiar with that one annoying aunty who is more interested in our marital status than in the dessert counter at a wedding. But these aunties have somehow become obsolete now. Now they are replaced by men we have in our lives. Friends, family, and even work colleagues. It’s the men who are worried about why we are not saying yes to one among their clans. What is wrong with us? Aren’t we scared of dying alone? Like them?
A recent interaction with a guy friend of mine turned sour when he lectured me about how I would regret not getting married at the right time. He lectured that every event in our lives needs to be completed within a certain timeframe set by society else we are doomed. I wasn’t angry. I was just disappointed to realize that annoying aunties are rapidly doubling in our society. And they don’t just appear at weddings or family functions anymore. They are everywhere. They are the real pandemic.
Let’s examine this a little closer.
Please enter your email address