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If one were to go by reports like this one on a magistrate ruling that a 21-year old woman be returned to her parents, there is no such thing as the Adult Indian Woman. While 18 may be the legal age for attaining majority, every now and then, one comes across cases like this where courts pass orders giving parents custody of unwilling adult daughters.
The unfortunate thing is that many Indians will support this. Arguments come up like, is a 21-year old really ready to make the right decision for herself and so on. That is besides the point. No doubt, there are plenty of 21 year olds who will land up in relationships and marriages that they will regret later. Just as there are 21 year olds who will make choices that work for them. Parents can advise, help, approve or disapprove – but no one can or should force an adult to get married or move back home against their wishes. In this case I linked to above, it appears that this 21 year old had already been married to someone in Rajasthan, and she doesn’t want to join that husband either.
Which of course begs the question of whether at all she had consented to that marriage, or was forced into it. And force need not be physical – force can be emotional (I will kill myself etc) or the absence of real choices. Not preparing or letting a young woman face the world on her own by withholding education or knowledge is also a kind of force – it forces them to abide by parents’ diktats.
The question is, if our learned judges themselves will not recognise the validity of the adult Indian woman, what hope do we have? In this case, luckily the higher courts came to her rescue, but not every woman whose liberty is infringed upon is lucky enough to get there.
Founder & Chief Editor of Women's Web, Aparna believes in the power of ideas and conversations to create change. She has been writing since she was ten. In another life, she used to be read more...
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Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Women today don’t want to be in a partnership that complicates their lives further. They need an equal partner with whom they can figure out life as a team, playing by each other’s strengths.
We all are familiar with that one annoying aunty who is more interested in our marital status than in the dessert counter at a wedding. But these aunties have somehow become obsolete now. Now they are replaced by men we have in our lives. Friends, family, and even work colleagues. It’s the men who are worried about why we are not saying yes to one among their clans. What is wrong with us? Aren’t we scared of dying alone? Like them?
A recent interaction with a guy friend of mine turned sour when he lectured me about how I would regret not getting married at the right time. He lectured that every event in our lives needs to be completed within a certain timeframe set by society else we are doomed. I wasn’t angry. I was just disappointed to realize that annoying aunties are rapidly doubling in our society. And they don’t just appear at weddings or family functions anymore. They are everywhere. They are the real pandemic.
Let’s examine this a little closer.
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