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If my last post here was on one Twitter controversy (about under-age driving), the next one too is about an event that took place on Twitter – this time, an incident of abusive name-calling, directed at film-maker Harini Calamur. And of course, if the person being attacked is a woman, can her sexual activity/inclination ever NOT be questioned? The easiest way to attack a woman seems to be to explicitly or indirectly state that she has been sleeping with X – the worst insult is to say that she has been sleeping with X and Y as well as with Z.
The unstated assumption is that a woman’s body is the property of one man – her husband; before her marriage, it is the responsibility of her father and brothers to guard this property safely, and if she becomes a widow, why, it’s ownership doesn’t revert to her – as this recent widow-killing incident in Haryana reminded us. A woman who violates these rules by choosing the man (or men) she sleeps with is the worst sort of woman, according to many in our society, which is also why many of our abuses revolve around women’s sexuality. A look at the recent exercise by activist organization Blank Noise on compiling swear words will tell us how many.
It’s easy to say that one should ignore such abuses. After all, the abuse directed at Harini in this instance was so preposterous that even the dumbest of individuals would be unlikely to take it at face value. If anything, it only reflected poorly on the capabilities of the abuser – that unable to logically argue with her, he resorted to patent untruths.
The logical thing to do may be to point out that a) the abuse is factually incorrect and b) even if it were correct, who one sleeps with is no one else’s business. After all, the man who sleeps with many women is a hero. But – it still hurts. At some visceral level, none of us like being called names, even if the assumption behind those abuses is meaningless. Secondly, as Harini points out in her comments, “The problem is that there is a lot of sexual innuendo and name calling that some people resort to, especially with women. I feel, and i may be completely wrong on this, that i keep quiet on this basic stuff, it will escalate to cruder and cruder terms.”
This post may not do anything for you, Harini, but it is just to let you know that you are so right in calling this behaviour out. The Internet lumpen may not change their behaviour but at least a few of those who follow them will see them for what they are. This not a question of left politics, right politics, Congress Vs. BJP or anything political. This is a question of how our society tries to shut women up. The moment a woman is visible, there’s someone waiting to call her a slut. And with more women being visible on social media, naturally, the abuses are following us there.
But guess what? We refuse to shut up anymore.
Founder & Chief Editor of Women's Web, Aparna believes in the power of ideas and conversations to create change. She has been writing since she was ten. In another life, she used to be read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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